i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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