I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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