why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
