Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
