OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
