one might say we're banned from that church
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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