i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
