youre lurking in front of me
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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