Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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