Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
