Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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