'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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