sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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