The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
