i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
