i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
