How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
