The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
