i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
