Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
