OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
