1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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