I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
