The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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