i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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