I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
