I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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