I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
only if we run a train.
done.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
