Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Operation Purity has been aborted
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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