I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
