it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
