Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
