i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
