I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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