Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
