I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
