i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
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Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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