we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
