Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
