This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
