ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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