She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
