He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
