You just made me feel so damn special
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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