Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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