dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
