dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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