i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize