Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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