We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
