So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
