he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
