Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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