I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
