She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
