waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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