do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Let's get the cat blown out
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
