i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
