is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
