I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
