She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
