The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
