I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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