margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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