I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
