Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
