i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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