Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
