Cold hands, warm shart.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
