Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
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God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
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Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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