i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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