News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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