Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
