im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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